Regrets
by Mrs Marcus Volturi
Summary: Janet Fraiser swirled the wine around her glass, her eyes locked on the man two tables down. He looked no different from before she left, except that the glimmer in his eye was gone and she knew it was all her fault. Set after 'Heroes'.


A/N: I re-posted this because I really didn't like the first result and, well, I like this one better but I'm still not sure about it. Please let me know.

Disclaimer: I own nothing :(

Rating: K

Spoiler: Heroes Part 2

Janet Fraiser swirled the wine around her glass, her eyes locked on the man two tables down. He looked no different from before she left, except that the glimmer in his eye was gone. She could have easily up and left, but there was no way she could without walking past him and him notice her. She didn't want him to notice her. She had hurt him enough by faking her own death, and it would only hurt more if he found out now. And it wouldn't be just him to be hurt if he saw her. Her daughter sat across from him, giggling, all grown up and in college studying medicine. No, Janet couldn't let herself be noticed by her friends or what she used to know as her family. She wouldn't do that to them. She would sit here, finishing her meal until they left. And that's what she did.

An hour later, Daniel, Sam, Jack, Cassie and Teal'c got up from their seats, Daniel and Jack fighting over the check. Cassie chucked money into the center of the table and grabbed Daniels arm. When they were out of sight, Janet paid for her dinner and made her way across the restaurant, weaving through a crowd of tables until she reached the door. She hated living like this, knowing that she had caused pain for the people she loved, but it was for their own protection. She pushed out the door and stepped onto the sidewalk. It was then she noticed she was standing face to face with Daniel, his mouth wide with shock and disbelief.

"J…Janet?"

She swallowed and tried to move around him.

"I'm sorry. I don't know who you're talking about."

Daniel grabbed her arm firm enough so that she couldn't move, but light enough so that it didn't hurt, and Janet noticed that he was still wearing their wedding ring.

"Janet. I know it's you. I…I just don't know how. I saw you die…didn't I?"

Tears were welling up in Janet's eyes and she looked away only to look into the eyes of her daughter, who was also almost in tears.

"Mom?" Janet bit her lip as she let a tear fall and nodded. Daniel released her arm, taking a step back.

"How?" he said in a hoarse whisper.

"I can't…" She took a deep breath, tears brimming over now, "I didn't die."

"Well, obviously doc! For cryin' out loud!" Jack snapped, suddenly, his face contorted with anger and grief, "We walk into that infirmary every day, and all we can remember is that once upon a time, you would meet us in there with your needles and Napoleonic smile, and it hurts. Mostly for Daniel because he loved—loves you so much and now we find out, _you__'__re __not __actually __dead_! Nice. Real nice…" Sam grabbed Jack's arm and squeezed it gently.

"I never wanted to hurt you. Any of you. I…" She fumbled for words. She what? What could she tell them that would make them understand that she had done all this for them?

"You what Janet?" Daniel said, his voice rising slightly, "Tell me why I cried so many times for you thinking you were dead, when really, you were out there probably having the time of your life!"

Janet let out a sob, desperately wanting to cling to her husband and cry into his arms but she knew he would push her away and it broke her heart. "I was having the _worst_ time of my life!" She whispered. "I had to fake my death, and leave behind the two people that I loved more than anything in the universe. You think that was easy for me Daniel?" He watched her with a blank stare, his jaw clenched angrily. "I hated it! Every second I was away from you I hated myself. I faked my death because that was the only thing I could do to stop you all from getting hurt or killed."

"By who?" Jack interrupted again angrily. "The wicked witch of the west? Tell us, Doc! Who was more dangerous than anything or anyone we have defeated while in the Stargate program?" he demanded and Sam's jaw muscles were tensed and tears glittered in her eyes as she stared at her best friend.

"Janet. We all coped differently with your _death._ But we all felt the same thing. Guilt; Guilt because we would run through the tape and our memories just to try and figure out how we could have saved you." The tears started to fall and Sam tried to blink them back, her voice shaking. "Janet, I'm not saying what you did was right, but there were alternatives. You should have come to me! I am your best friend and we used to tell each other everything. Why did that change?"

Janet looked around at the people she loved and more tears streamed down her face.

"Because there weren't any alternatives, Sam. It was you guys, or me. My ex-husband, Kyle was stalking me. I…at first, I didn't think any thing of it. But when he showed me Goa'uld weaponry…I don't know how he got it, and frankly it didn't really matter, I was scared. Not just for me, but for everyone. He had a bad temper, and apparently a really big army too. He wanted me back, but I told him no. I told him that I was seeing someone, and that made him mad. He threatened to kill Cassie and Daniel, and then move on to the rest of my friends."

Closing her eyes, Janet took a deep breath, no more words forming from her lips. She had promised herself that she wouldn't let this happen. She wouldn't let them know trying to explain herself.

She knew it had been a stupid idea to come back to Colorado, especially to the restaurant she and Daniel had visited so often but she needed to. For the past two years she had been in Washington, under a new name working at a small Air force base there. Hammond had helped her, of course but the transition from life in Colorado to Washington had been hard.

Janet felt a hand on her shoulder, and when she opened her eyes, Cassie crushed her mother in a hug, holding her as tight as she physically could.

"God, mom I missed you so much," Cassie sobbed, and Janet tried to sooth her, sobbing into her daughters shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," She cried and a strong hand was pulling her back, into the warm arms she had missed so much. Daniel crushed her body against his, his head buried in her hair and his chest shook as he fought to fight back tears.

He had his wife back, his actual, living wife who had been gone for two years. He wanted to feel angry at her, to yell at her for leaving him but it seemed that all of that fight had faded from his body and now all he wanted to do was hold her and never let go.

"Stay," Was all he said and he felt her nod, her small arms circling his waist. It would take a while for things to be as they were but they would get there eventually and whatever happened, they would do it together.


End file.
